Friday started out just like any other day, taking my 12-year-old son to middle school. Since he enjoys riding in our 2005 Corvette convertible, I decided to make the trip interesting for him (and me, too) and forego the usual 1999 Suburban that offers us a thrill ride of a different kind.
After dropping Christopher off at school, I decided to stop by the local Walmart and pick up a few groceries. My list didn’t look that long, and I had had the foresight to make sure that the Corvette trunk was empty just in case the list ran a little over.
Smart thinking as it turned out. By the time I had been tempted by all the goodies in Walmart, my buggy must have weighed about 200 pounds, maybe more by the time I had tossed a 50-pound bag of dog food and a 25-pound bag of cat food on top of it.
My wife sent a few extra items she thought of, via text message, including Valentine candy and cards for the kids to hand out at school, and by the time I rolled the monstrous buggy around the store picking up those items and other things I couldn’t find at first, my ol’ muscles were aching.
My wallet started hurting, though, when the cashier cheerfully told me the total was $295. At least it took up two buggies, I thought to myself, as I struggled to manhandle my loot out to the Corvette, which was parked in the far stretches of the lot to avoid contact with the outside world (i.e., people who might door it).
I’ve driven the ‘Vette to buy groceries before, but never with so many items, and big items at that.
A guy in a pickup truck rode up to me, cheerfully hollering, “You picked the wrong car to drive today, huh? I’ll trade you.”
“That’s mighty neighborly of you, but nah, it’ll all fit,” I said defiantly, although I must admit I did have a few anxious moments as I began to fill the car.
After all, the list included the huge bags of dog food and cat food, not to mention two 24-packs of Dasani water, two 12-packs of Sam’s Cola, a 12-pack of Yoohoo (or woohoo as my 4-year-old son Jack calls it), four gallons of milk, a gallon of orange juice, seven big bottles of G2, a huge box of Juicy Juice, three gigantic boxes of cereal, and…. Did I mention that I was buying groceries for a family of six humans, five dogs, and three cats??? We’re hoping that will last through Monday. LOL (I hope!)
I know one of the most important missions of the C5 and C6 engineers was to be able to carry two golf bags in the trunk. Well, I don’t know about that, but I do know that there’s a lot of space back there! The two waters fit perfectly in the corners of the trunk, and I sandwiched bags of small items behind and between them. It helped that some of the boxes were flat.
In the front floorboard went the four gallons of milk, the three 12-packs of drinks, the orange juice, and the Juicy Juice. At first I had several bags in the seat, but I soon figured out that the dog food and cat food needed to be on the bottom of the seat, hanging over onto the drinks. So out onto the asphalt those bags went while I hastily rearranged. A roll of red Valentine wrapping paper went on the rack above the waterfall, and the loaf of bread rested perfectly on the dash. The final bags had to sit on the console lid, but hey, it all did fit, though I must admit I worked up quite a sweat with all that work. In fact, I even had to take off my coat in line to pay because I was dripping.
I’m here to report to the world that $295 worth of groceries will indeed fit in a Corvette, and I’m proud to say that those bags won’t slide around nearly as much as some other sedans I’ve owned. In fact, nothing moved at all!
So good news, for you folks out there who have spouses that say a Corvette is not a practical car, show them my story! Of course, if you had made the mistake of actually taking your spouse or your child with you to the store, well, that’s another story.